We all know that when life gets busy, our school, work, and daily commitments take precedent. Most often, this means we become less present in our family connections and miss out on quality time with those we deeply care about.
Dedicating time to spend with our children can strengthen our family dynamics, and for us parents, having a healthy parent-child relationship can make the early mornings and busy nights feel rewarding, rather than exhausting.
We recognize the importance of fostering strong relationships with our children but acknowledge the difficulty in building and maintaining these connections in today’s world. Our children may prefer to play video games or spend time with friends instead of being with their parent(s). It could also be that they don’t see homework help and sharing meals as opportunities to connect with us.
However, if we reflect on how we have previously shown up in our parent-child relationships, we can discover new ways to be present for our kids that are meaningful to both you, and them – continue reading for parenting tips on how to support your relationship starting today!
the impact of being present
Our children feel most connected to us when they sense we are truly present. We don’t have to spend every waking moment with them, but when we share moments together, try to be fully engaged and focused on them. Put your phone down, make eye contact, and really listen to what they are saying or doing. These three small parenting tips can help you tell your child, “You matter to me“.
- Put your Phone Away – Being near our phones prevents us from focusing on the present moment. Turn your phone on silent, or leave it in another room and create space with your child where they aren’t required to share you with a device.
- Show Your Love – Treat each interaction with them as an opportunity to connect. Greet with them warmth, eye contact, a smile, and genuine interest in what they are doing and what is important to them.
- Pause, Breath and Respond (PBR) – The stressors we face throughout the day can build up and take the warmth out of our voices (and our kids notice!). Take a moment for yourself to breathe and respond with thoughtfulness and intention.
replacing solutions with validation
As parents, it makes sense that we want to fix all our children’s concerns and prevent them from discomfort. However, in these moments, validation is more powerful than solutions. When your child is upset, meet them with compassion and warmth. This way, you can help them feel comfortable in their emotions, and encourage them to explore how they feel without judgement.
- Instead of providing a solution right away, try saying one of the following:
- “That sounds really hard”
- “It makes sense to feel that way”
- “I noticed this meant a lot to you, and you’re upset it didn’t work out”
Validating their emotions teaches your child(ren) that feelings are safe, and okay to express. Encouraging them to truly feel their emotions teaches them emotional security, which can empower their confidence and self-expression.
rituals for connection
Schedules help us stay on track and ensure we follow through with our commitments, but we can also use them to reserve time to spend with our families. Although our children may not understand how busy life gets, they still recognize when their parents aren’t fully present. Dedicating meaningful time to spend with them shows that they too are important and deserve our attention and care.
Creating rituals for connection could be anything from having breakfast together, reading a book before bed, or going for an evening walk – It can be any moment where you are fully present, and can enjoy each other’s company. These rituals can become meaningful and consistent moments that your children look forward to. It opens the door for honest communication, and shared joy, ultimately strengthening your bond over time.
If you’re unsure of where to begin, try starting with the 7-7-7 Rule to spend a bit of time together throughout the day!
- 7-7-7 Rule – a daily ritual of spending 7 minutes with your child(ren) in the morning, 7 minutes together after school and 7 minutes before bed.
offering a safe space for emotions
There may be times when our children have thoughts or feelings they want to share but aren’t sure how to. By meeting them with curiosity and genuine interest, it shows them that you are a safe place for them to be themselves.
- Try asking open-ended questions like..
- “What was the best part about your day?”
- “What’s something that’s been on your mind today?”
- “What happened today that surprised you?“
- “How could we make today a little bit better?“
- “What are you excited for today/tomorrow?“
Creating a space for them without judgement lets them enjoy a childhood where they feel heard, and comfortable coming to you during both good, and difficult times.
model the behaviour you want to see
Children are quick learners and pick up on both our actions and our words. They often begin modelling the way we behave, so it is important to remain aware of what lessons we might be teaching them, especially in stressful situations. If we as parents can learn to regulate our emotions and control our behaviour, we can model what a safe space looks like for our children. Then, when our children feel uncomfortable, scared or worried, they know it is safe to reach out to us, and overtime, we can strengthen our relationship with them.
Modelling patience, honesty, and compassion teaches those same values to our children. However, being parents does not mean we aren’t allowed to make mistakes. Mistakes are a normal part of life and provide us with a learning opportunity, where we can show our children that mistakes do not mean failure. Admitting to our faults and expressing our apologies teaches them humility and shows that relationships (including the ones we have with our children) can heal with honesty, care and kindness.
Self-Reflection
- What behaviours do you feel you have taught your child(ren)?
- What does modelling an apology look like?
- How do you act in stressful situations?
- How do you think your child(ren) feel when witnessing your actions at home?
showing interest in their hobbies
Children’s hobbies provide them with a creative outlet for happiness, joy and self-expression. Whether they like to draw, watch TV or build LEGO’s, we can communicate acceptance by showing interest in what they are doing, or joining them. It doesn’t matter what activity you are doing together; it is the shared joy and attention that builds closeness.
If you’re looking for new activities or hobbies to start with your child(ren), take a look at the list below!
Hobbies To Start With Your Child(ren)
- Take turns reading to each other
- Cook dinner together
- Bake a dessert to share
- Go for a walk and enjoy the weather (bonus points if theres leaves to jump in or snow to play in)
- Look at old photos and tell the stories of when they were taken
- Colour or draw together
- Do seasonal crafts
- Play board games
- Have a movie night
setting boundaries vs. asserting control
As parents, we want to see our children have fun and express themselves, but that can leave us questioning the line between discipline and control. It is important that we set boundaries with our children so they learn right from wrong, but in a way that respects their growth. Enforcing these boundaries or rules is most effective when we speak from a place of guidance and connection.
- Instead of “Do not hit your brother, that’s mean”
- Try saying “I love you and I can see you’re upset, but it’s not okay to hit others”.
Having a strong relationship with your child(ren) is important because when they feel emotionally safe, they are more likely to respond positively to guidance and rules. We can enforce the boundaries we set in place with kindness and connection, rather than trying to control their behaviour.
final words
Wanting a strong relationship with your child is common, and can make for a happy, healthy family. However, strengthening this connection does not require grand gestures. It’s about being present, attuned, and consistent in the way we show up for them. Strengthening your relationship with your child not only helps them feel seen, heard, and valued, but also helps them build confidence and trust with you, and most importantly, within themselves.
